This blog is a secret
My recent bearblog theme reached the front trending page (currently there as of this writing). I’ve been checking bearblog analytics and editing the theme, thinking “I have to make this better now that more people are seeing it.” Stupid. But it’s true. I’ve been checking my phone very frequently and saying “yep, in just a minute” a lot over the past two days.
I’m embarrassed. My wife has no idea this blog exists or that I can even write HTML and CSS. It has just never come up in conversation.
She knows more about me than anyone on this planet. But I keep this stupid little secret from her. Mostly because I feel dumb having a blog or a hobby of designing things. She would most certainly think it’s cool. But my ridiculous, anxious and inferiority complex riddled brain tells me she might think it’s odd.
I can’t explain it. I’m quite confident in myself and who I am as a person. But I have always HATED the thought of others knowing my inner thoughts and feelings. Even those I love the most and who love me unconditionally.
It’s something I definitely need to explore and look deeper into for personal growth. But even that idea scares me. What if I find that I don’t even like what I am once I unwrap it all?
Had a couple drinks at band practice tonight… but this isn’t drunk talk. I’ve had just enough to open up on here. I think it’s been a good exercise.
“All people have secrets. Life would be boring without secrets. Don’t you think?”
-from The Buried Secret of M. Night Shyamalan