I’ve failed recently
I’ve been failing recently. I find myself looking at my phone often and being more concerned with finishing nightly tasks so I can hurry up and get a workout in before it’s time for bed. I get frustrated easily when things aren’t picked up, because it just means there’s extra things for me to do before I can relax.
This is a HUGE problem because I have two amazing young children. They deserve my full attention. Or, at the very least, more dedicated attention. Don’t get me wrong… I’m not ignoring them or not involved. I could just be better.
This damn phone, as much as it hurts and embarrasses me to say, steals my attention a lot of times. I used to think I wasn’t that guy.
News articles, memes, distractions. Distraction from the feeling of exhaustion after a long day at work. Distraction from the stress of keeping our house “in order” when we have no time to do it. Distraction from the financial stresses of the holidays and life in general. Distraction from the sadness of knowing my kids are growing up and I’ll never get this time back…
And that’s EXACTLY why I’m typing this up. I made a concerted effort yesterday to get back to my old self. Put the phone down when I got home and knocked out a quick workout. Had plenty of time to play with my kids and wasn’t stressed to rush through the evening. Now, I’m typing this as a means to continue that motion. Putting it out there and reminding myself of this stuff daily will only help me stay on the correct path.
I’m going to make the most out of this chapter in my life. The idea of regretting not taking in EVERY detail of my kids’ lives at this stage makes me sick to my stomach. I will never be able to outrun the sadness and crushing reality of them growing up and not needing me. But I can at least be more present.